The Technology Void

In my last post, Lina’s comment referenced the “Technology Void,” which is a name Noel and I often use when referring to our apartment. Technology doesn’t work in our apartment, I’m serious.

Here’s my proof:

• When we moved in there was a post-it note tacked to the wall above the oven with these simple instructions: Bake is Broil, Broil is Bake.  As it turns out, “Off”, is also Broil.
• When the big switch to HD happened we went and purchased a digital converter box. I was excited because my friend Emily had told me the number of channels she got multiplied when she and her husband installed their box. When we installed our box the number of channels we receive decreased; we still have the Valley Channel, but no longer get Telemundo.
• If the computer is on at the same time as the TV, the TV won’t work. We learned this when we were enjoying our semi-annual TV watching experience (General Conference) and Pres. Monson turned into frozen, boxy pixels when Noel tried to do homework.
• If I am using my computer in the kitchen and decide that I want to print something, I have to sprint from one end of the house to the other (and our place isn’t that big) and quickly plug in my computer before it dies.
• The keyboard has a finicky plug-in cord. If it isn’t in at exactly the right angle it won’t work. Currently the cord is duct taped and should be okay as long as no one jostles it. It also only makes sound when the volume is nearly at its max.
• Noel’s computer has a blue line down the middle of the screen and you have to exert all your body weight on the right corner in order to get it closed, but that could be because it fell off a car . . .
• We’ve tried to have internet at our house twice. The first time our service was so spotty they sent a repair man to our house after our 7th call. The repair man told us the signal was strong at the box, but became weak once it entered the house. He blamed it on poor wiring. Recently Noel thought he’d come up with an excellent scheme, but after 2 wonderful weeks of DSL in our very own home, the signal became non-existent and we had to cancel so we could escape a two-year contract.
• Our plumbing is connected to everyone else in the house. This means that if someone flushes the toilet and you’re in the shower your best bet is to flatten yourself against the wall and turn the water off if you don’t want to get boiled alive.
• Our garage door is affected by the temperature. Sometimes when the weather changes it won’t close.  This has only happened  since our old neighbors ran into it, even though they claimed the door became dented on its own . . .
• Our freezer leaks. Every couple of weeks I have to mop up the small lake that has formed in the bottom of our refrigerator before it overflows.

While you could argue that we just live in a cheap apartment and never buy new things, I think there are too many problems for this all to be coincidental. Still, visiting our house could be a nice vacation from the pressures of the world, like an exotic get-away where you leave all your technology induced cares at home. I hope you all keep that in mind.