Identity Crisis

Identity Crisis

Let’s be honest. I think about blogging a lot, more than is probably normal. I find myself composing as I fold laundry or drive the car. I jot down ideas on scratch paper and have a slew of drafts that I’ve lost interest in or never deemed publish-worthy.  To be fair though I’ve been composing in my head for years now, even before the blog. I blame this on all the years I’ve dedicated to trying to become a writer. Amidst the editing, deleting, and publishing I sometimes pause and ask myself, “What is my purpose in doing this?”  and honestly, I still haven’t come up with a solid answer – at least not a singular solid answer.

Sometimes I’m jealous of other blogs, whether inspiring or irritating, for having a solid theme or designated purpose: crafts, politics, fashion, literary, journal, business driven, mommy blog, whatever. Maybe it’s because we have two very different writers on this blog or maybe it’s because we’re “well-rounded” or maybe we’re simply weird, but I have a hard time pigeonholing our writings into any one category. Sometimes I like that I can’t quite put a label on the sum of our writings, but other times this lack of cohesion and perhaps identity bothers me. At times like this, I don’t write. I just puzzle and mull. I’ll draft about how I sometimes want to punch out moms that complain about how their three-month-olds don’t sleep through the night, but delete it because I can’t see anything productive coming out of being a hater. Then I’ll move onto a post about a recent craft I did, but drop it because it seems boring and braggy. The literary posts get neglected because they take so much effort and rarely get much attention and a bunch of other random posts get shot down for being potentially offensive, too preachy, or plain old boring.

Generally, I’ll end up with a post about Cooper because it’s safe. It will at least please the family and doesn’t take as much creativity on my part. Plus, these posts always get a plethora of comments, which surely doesn’t hurt my confidence. Still, every time I end up here I pause with my cursor over the publish icon, wondering if this really is just “one of those mommy blogs.” Maybe it is, it’s hard for me to tell. Is that bad? Also hard to tell. Ugh. And on comes another dry spell on the blog as I retreat back to the comfort of my journal (Yes, I’m old school like that.) where I can write and write and not worry about what anyone thinks.

As a reader I hope that the hodgepodge of  topics isn’t too much of a turn-off. I guess that’s just how we are: a crazy mixture of ideas, feelings, and purposes. I hope you can also excuse the fact that as a writer I am sometimes a hot mess. Now do you see why I’m not on Facebook? That’s just more stress than I think I could handle.

8 thoughts on “Identity Crisis

  1. I’ve said it before, but you write what I think! I love this post because I feel the same way. I figure my life is random and so that’s how my blog will be.

  2. I really like that your blog is diverse and includes a bit of everything. It lets us see you as a well-rounded person, instead of just just the one-dimensional side a mommy/crafty blog would let us see. I love your blog approach and especially appreciate your insightful and honest blog posts, like this one.

    I’ve had some of the same thoughts, but I always retreat back to my comfort zone of blogging about Sam. It’s definitely easier. It’s scary to put everything out there for everyone to see. It leaves you feeling so vulnerable and then you don’t really know what people think. But at the same time it really adds that personal touch, which most electronic communication lacks. I hate that sometimes it feels like we’re surrounded by perfect people who are always having fun and doing amazing things, and I know it’s because those things are the easiest to share and that’s how we want other people to see us. It really takes guts to write about other thoughts, feelings, and experiences that aren’t so perfect, so I really love that you are open and honest. Sorry about the novel, but I just wanted to let you know I love your blog! It’s so refreshing to read.

  3. I like your blog, too. For one, I have only met you a few times in person, but reading your blog has helped me get to know you better, and Brady thinks that’s cool, of course. Second, I like that you post often and it’s an easy length to read–my posts can get long at times, but yours are succinct and interesting. I like reading about your “green” lifestyle and thrifty ideas, because I am always looking for ways to may my life more so. And you’re a good writer.

    So keep up the good work!

  4. You relate oh-so-well to those of us who don’t have a “themed blog”. I find myself composing in my sleep! (Even though I am so far behind in my posting! There. I said it. I compose and it doesn’t even lead to a product!) I enjoy your blog in all of its random glory. 🙂

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