I was filing our state taxes the other day and encountered a problem with the online system. The helpline was only available during business hours (which of course is not when an employed person should be filing their taxes) so I sent them an email with my question. A day or so later I received a response. My question was cordially answered and the email closed with: Respectfully, Tax Master. It was then that I realized that I need to change my email signature, it is much too boring (just my name) and does not capture my actual power and influence. Any ideas?
In my last post, Lina’s comment referenced the “Technology Void,” which is a name Noel and I often use when referring to our apartment. Technology doesn’t work in our apartment, I’m serious.
Here’s my proof:
- When we moved in there was a post-it note tacked to the wall above the oven with these simple instructions: Bake is Broil, Broil is Bake. As it turns out, “Off”, is also Broil.
- When the big switch to HD happened we went and purchased a digital converter box. I was excited because my friend Emily had told me the number of channels she got multiplied when she and her husband installed their box. When we installed our box the number of channels we receive decreased; we still have the Valley Channel, but no longer get Telemundo.
- If the computer is on at the same time as the TV, the TV won’t work. We learned this when we were enjoying our semi-annual TV watching experience (General Conference) and Pres. Monson turned into frozen, boxy pixels when Noel tried to do homework.
- If I am using my computer in the kitchen and decide that I want to print something, I have to sprint from one end of the house to the other (and our place isn’t that big) and quickly plug in my computer before it dies.
- The keyboard has a finicky plug-in cord. If it isn’t in at exactly the right angle it won’t work. Currently the cord is duct taped and should be okay as long as no one jostles it. It also only makes sound when the volume is nearly at its max.
- Noel’s computer has a blue line down the middle of the screen and you have to exert all your body weight on the right corner in order to get it closed, but that could be because it fell off a car . . .
- We’ve tried to have internet at our house twice. The first time our service was so spotty they sent a repair man to our house after our 7th call. The repair man told us the signal was strong at the box, but became weak once it entered the house. He blamed it on poor wiring. Recently Noel thought he’d come up with an excellent scheme, but after 2 wonderful weeks of DSL in our very own home, the signal became non-existent and we had to cancel so we could escape a two-year contract.
- Our plumbing is connected to everyone else in the house. This means that if someone flushes the toilet and you’re in the shower your best bet is to flatten yourself against the wall and turn the water off if you don’t want to get boiled alive.
- Our garage door is affected by the temperature. Sometimes when the weather changes it won’t close. This has only happened since our old neighbors ran into it, even though they claimed the door became dented on its own . . .
- Our freezer leaks. Every couple of weeks I have to mop up the small lake that has formed in the bottom of our refrigerator before it overflows.
While you could argue that we just live in a cheap apartment and never buy new things, I think there are too many problems for this all to be coincidental. Still, visiting our house could be a nice vacation from the pressures of the world, like an exotic get-away where you leave all your technology induced cares at home. I hope you all keep that in mind.
I arrived at work this morning to find that a transformer had blew and the power was out. However, since some of the projects that go on at the company are very important (ie costs millions of $) everyone’s computers and experiments are hooked up to generators. The secretary made an announcement that the power might be on in the next couple of hours. Everyone remains diligently at their desks acting as if it were a normal Monday, sending emails, making phone calls, and holding meetings in semi-darkness. Still, it could be worse. Noel can’t get into his building and several of the people that arrived at work earlier can’t get out, even after pulling the fire alarm . . . that can’t be good for business.
So, here I sit in the dark (my office doesn’t have any windows) holding my to-do list up to the soft glow of my computer screen, wondering if what I’m doing is really that important. I am reminded of winter when it snows three feet overnight, but no one with authority seems to notice, and we still have to go to school the next day. I miss the days when people would stop what they were doing because the weather was bad or technology decided not to work. I want to stop taking my responsibilities so seriously. With youthful exuberance I want to drop what I’m doing and glory in a good snow day, power outage day, I hate work day, whatever. I mean, is what any of us are doing really that important?
As it turns out, we’re on page three on Google for the search “circumference of a lacrosse crease.” Way to strike a blow for thinking indeed.