3am – Baby is crying. Jump out of bed and nearly slip on rug in baby’s room. Unsure whether the Pledged floor is actually repelling spiders or just creating a hazard. Nurse baby in half asleep stupor.
3:30am – Rise from rocking chair to put sleeping baby back in crib. Spy spider out of corner of eye. Smash with slipper. Return to rocking chair with now awake baby.
3:45am- Rise again to put baby back in crib. Tiptoe out of the room. Hesitate near door and return to quietly step on earwig in the corner.
6:10am- Baby is stirring. Turn on sprinklers. Retrieve baby from crib and return to Master Bedroom. Nurse baby. Fall asleep.
7:40am – Help Noel find bike helmet. Turn off sprinklers. Check sticky traps for new casualties. Throw away previously squashed earwig. Dress baby.
8:05am – Put baby in jogging stroller. Proceed to yard with rake. Remove leaves and other debris from foundation of house.
8:40am – Load caulking gun. Caulk crack on front porch.
9:20am – Retreat to house with screaming baby. Feed baby.
9:40am – Survey work completed and assess other cracks around the house. Kill two bulbous spiders on front window with a broom. Say quick prayer of gratitude that front window didn’t break. Put aside broom and caulking gun. Get dressed. Google natural spider repellents and play with baby.
10:00am – Baby spits up all over self, mom, and couch. Change baby’s clothes. Change my clothes. Resolve couch.
10:30am – Load car. Drive to Target. Purchase more sticky traps and a small spray bottle.
11:00am- Drive to Whole Foods Market. Purchase coconut oil. Notice the cashier charged me for $10 eyeliner. Wait for refund.
11:30am – Arrive at home. Unload car. Realize I haven’t eaten anything all day. Reheat Pop Tart Noel left in toaster oven. Feed screaming baby. Ignore twitch in left eye.
12:00pm – Mix vinegar and coconut oil in spray bottle. Prepare to sweep house and spray natural repellent. This is a battle I intend to win.