3am – Baby is crying. Jump out of bed and nearly slip on rug in baby’s room. Unsure whether the Pledged floor is actually repelling spiders or just creating a hazard. Nurse baby in half asleep stupor.

3:30am – Rise from rocking chair to put sleeping baby back in crib. Spy spider out of corner of eye. Smash with slipper. Return to rocking chair with now awake baby.

3:45am- Rise again to put baby back in crib. Tiptoe out of the room. Hesitate near door and return to quietly step on earwig in the corner.

6:10am- Baby is stirring. Turn on sprinklers. Retrieve baby from crib and return to Master Bedroom. Nurse baby. Fall asleep.

7:40am – Help Noel find bike helmet. Turn off sprinklers. Check sticky traps for new casualties. Throw away previously squashed earwig. Dress baby.

8:05am – Put baby in jogging stroller. Proceed to yard with rake. Remove leaves and other debris from foundation of house.

8:40am – Load caulking gun. Caulk crack on front porch.

9:20am – Retreat to house with screaming baby. Feed baby.

9:40am – Survey work completed and assess other cracks around the house. Kill two bulbous spiders on front window with a broom. Say quick prayer of gratitude that front window didn’t break. Put aside broom and caulking gun. Get dressed. Google natural spider repellents and play with baby.

10:00am – Baby spits up all over self, mom, and couch. Change baby’s clothes. Change my clothes. Resolve couch.

10:30am – Load car. Drive to Target. Purchase more sticky traps and a small spray bottle.

11:00am- Drive to Whole Foods Market. Purchase coconut oil. Notice the cashier charged me for $10 eyeliner. Wait for refund.

11:30am – Arrive at home. Unload car. Realize I haven’t eaten anything all day. Reheat Pop Tart Noel left in toaster oven. Feed screaming baby. Ignore twitch in left eye.

12:00pm – Mix vinegar and coconut oil in spray bottle. Prepare to sweep house and spray natural repellent. This is a battle I intend to win.

5 thoughts on “War

  1. I liked the natural spider repellent ideas…. If you ever get completely sick of the bugs, I discovered a fail-proof, albeit semi-hazardous, remedy while living in the islands: 100% Deet. Good luck with the bugs!

  2. oh bugs….sounds like you needs some lizards or geckos. Ever considered bombing your apt? No, this isn’t a funny joke, but actually using those bug bomb things. I tried it once and it did pretty well. they have “mess proof” ones or whatever, and they can be found at Wal-mart, hardware stores, etc. I’m not sure of the toxicity for little ones though, but I’m sure you’d do the research anyway ๐Ÿ™‚ good luck!

  3. I feel like our lives are strangely parallel. We’ve had a wicked earwig infestation. I kill and kill them all day long, but I’m not sure if I’m even close to winning the war.

  4. I hope today is better on the battlefront! (p.s. that coconut oil and apple cider vinegar will cure many ailments if ingested as well in case it doesn’t work on the bugs)

  5. Hey, I made my own coconut-vinegar spider repellent a few weeks ago! It seems to be working well. Good luck!

    P.S. You can make deodorant with coconut oil, cornstarch and baking soda, but I haven’t tried… yet. ๐Ÿ™‚

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