The Sphere of Mommyhood
I have a confession. It may seem hypocritical based on the large majority of the post topics on this blog and is obviously a sweeping generalization, but sometimes I get bored of the “mommy-sphere.” (While I’m being truthful, I’m also not such a fan of the word “mommy.”) I love it when I get useful advice from fellow moms or when we can have a genuine heartfelt conversation that non-moms may not be able understand . . . but sometimes I wish we could talk about something other than our kids. While my kids are great and my opinions on parenting are numerous (and 100% correct by the way), being a mom isn’t the only thing I’ve ever done, am currently doing, or will ever do. I like to think that even though 98% of my waking hours are devoted to dealing with dirty diapers and toddler shenanigans that I have other interests.
Also, why is it that mom circles have to adopt such condescending tones when speaking to one another as if we each were individually participating in a smear campaign to be model parent of the year? “Oh you haven’t started potty-training yet? Well, my kids were all potty-trained by 6 months and you better believe I breastfed till they were each seven.” “You think your labor was hard/easy/fast/existential, well let me tell you about how I birthed my first on top of Half Dome/while in a coma/in less time than it takes you to do your makeup/in a pool of pure mineral water in the presence of angels.” Well good for you. The weirdest part is that no matter whether you’re trying to prove your child is the next Einstein or the most likely to receive a Darwin award it seems someone can always outdo you. I find it tiring. Sometimes I come up with really smart responses in my head about how Ivy league schools began calling me after Cooper’s first ultrasound, but try my hardest to keep them to myself as I’m still trying to make friends here.
Obviously, not all moms are like this and I’ve noticed that the one-upmanship dwindles as the number of moms involved in the conversation decreases. Sometimes I just wish we could more frequently bond in our devotion to our children and use our similarities as the basis for a strong sisterhood. Being a mom is difficult no matter who you are or how you approach it; I think we can use all the support we can get.
4 thoughts on “The Sphere of Mommyhood”
The sad thing for me is that I feel like so much of my current life is devoted to child-rearing, that I hardly have any social skills outside of the mommy circle. I can easily start talking to a mom by saying, “How old is your toddler?” and from there ask things like “Is he a good sleeper?…..Oh, I know what you mean” (etc). But when I am around non-moms, I seem to be at a loss for conversation: “….So, do you realize how much free time you have since you are not in the parent stage of life right now?” (just kidding, I don’t say that, but I don’t know WHAT to talk about if it’s not kids!) Yes, I need to get out more.
I totally know what you mean. I think that’s why I started posting inspirational stuff and my high school memories on my blog in addition to the stuff the girls were doing. It was my blog, dang it, not theirs. Of course not as many people read those posts, but whatever.
Frankly, I find it refreshing to talk to people whose socks I don’t have to wash. It’s also nice to know that not everyone considers my name to be “Michael’s mom.”