I hate how gripping dreams can be emotionally, no matter how illogical the plot. Last night I dreamed that I was running from the law. I happened upon a large mansion where I hid for awhile and pretended to be a part of the staff for a large wedding that was taking place there. I made some friends while “laying low” and they helped me come up with the perfect escape plan that would make it so the authorities would never find me. (The brilliancy basically amounted to me donning a pair of sunglasses and driving to Kansas in a red convertible.) There was one catch though, for the plan to work I would have to leave Cooper behind forever. I was devastated. I repeatedly told the people, “I can’t do that, he needs me!” as they tried to convince me that I needed to turn the key in the ignition and drive away. I woke up and even though I rationally knew it was a silly dream, I wasn’t quite able to calm my racing heart until I’d seen the boy lying peacefully in his crib.
As illogical as romantic love can be, I think it makes a deal of logical sense. There’s the driving human nature to not be alone, the fact that couples choose each other, the natural compliment of personalities, and an ideal balance of give and take – not to mention a satisfaction of our primal urges 😉 However, the love between a parent and a child seems harder to explain. You could suggest it derives from pride in creation or an evolutionary responsibility to help protect and prolong the survival of the species, but I don’t think that’s it. Logically, it’s a bit puzzling to think of how much love I feel for my little boy in spite of all the grief he’s put me through and how little he’s done for me in return. Logical or not though, the love is strong – even for our new baby who I’ve only known thus far through the sound of heartbeats and feeling of wiggles in my belly. While I ultimately can’t express this love in words, I’m positive it’s a gift. I’ve decided that few things in life feel so good as to get a sliver of insight into how God feels for us.